Fredspoon.com

Its another day. Just a couple of weeks or so before Christmas. I am looking foward to Mr Gordon coming to stay. Although I am not sure where he intends to get an Organic Duck. (It's not London or Vienna. This is CLS!)

I will think about doing a round-up soon of the year. There are lots of things I could say and I will. I have learned a lot of things about people this year and quite a bit about myself.

Well. Better get back to the working day, which starts in 23 minutes. What a bore.

I have pin-point the reason why I am frustrated and angry at the moment. When I look back at the previous posts about what pisses me off about things I am concentrating about things around me. If I was pissed off with something with myself I would be okay. I don't think I mind too much about myself. I think I care TOO much about things. This is what the source of frustration. If I was a little more self-centred and didn't care about things that were going on around me then I certainly would feel less frustrated and angry about things.

So. Do I become selfish? Do I start thinking about the things that are in my life rather than concentrating on how others are living theirs? I think I do. I don't know how I am going to stop myself caring about things. I should think at those times when I am getting seriously pissed off and remind myself that there is little you can do to influence others actions. I will keep campaiging against prejudice, ignorance and stupidity. I am not giving up on that. But its time to start thinking about me.

Bit of a "u-turn" on my previous posts about caring for others at Christmas time!

Today was better than yesterday. I waited in all day to hear from an engineer from PC World who was supposed to come and fix one of my PC's. It was only after the second call to their customer service dept did I find out that no one was coming out to my house. Now if it had been the customers that I have to "work with" I should have been threatening to go to all major newspapers, news channels and instructing my solicitor to start legal proceeding. But I am not a DICK HEAD.

I will write a letter to show my dissatisfaction.

Meanwhile today I was at mother for just after 9am. I know that she needed shopping and various bits and bobs done. I trundled along to Tesco (Durham) I needed a new ink cartridge for my printer and address labels. Life doesn't get more exciting than this. I decided that I would could a Sunday Lunch for mum and me. (Organic Free Range Chicken at half price!) I came back and while I had prepared lunch I helped mum write her Christmas cards. This proved to be a little...lets say a sad occasion. Mum had difficulty with the spelling of peoples names. I had to write all the addresses on cards that needed to be posted. I thought it would be best for her to write a batch of cards which she could sign and then after we would fill in the names at the top. Years of teaching experience came to hand.

It is sad to see my mum like this. One time she would have no hesitations or have a stumbling block. Now she has difficult with basic writing. She seems happy herself. But she is totally aware that something is just not right.

I was sad to think that think is going to get worse. I know it is. I just have to keep helping her and making the lunches.

Christmas soon.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/8387110.stm

Just because she is a woman and nothing else. Get a life! Pure jealousy.

And too the people who would complain that the police ignored complaints about dog breeding in Liverpool where a kid was mauled to death you cannot blame the police. Blame the dog owner! Take responsibility. Stop blaming someone else.

I have a friend who is in Afganistan at the moment. I am worried sick. I love him to bits and hope he comes home safely. Thats all I can say.

I cannot stand him. Honestly everything about him makes my skin crawl. This will only mean something to someone like me. I am sure that other people will not understand what I am talking about.

I am talking about Joe McElderry on X-factor.

Ever since I "came out" (circa '93) I have and always been a straight-acting person. (I hate it when I see social sites and people say that they are straight acting and from bitter experience they are clearly without a doubt 100% not) I have had comments from people who I work with saying they "Didn't think I was gay when they first met me." When I started to go to Newcastle and visited the scene a number of years ago I noticed a brand of mincing, stuck-up, know-it-all, introvert, homo, repressive queeny types I came to loathe and still despise.

When I came out I was in place where guys were just guys. Yes, some were effeminate, but charming. But now we have the horrible stereo-typed "gay" as the hapless, defensless gay such as McElderry.

The worst thing is that people are getting behind him (I don't pardon the pun) as a "true Geordie" and the only reason we should vote for him is because "He is from the North East."

The Tyne Tunnel displays on its information signs that we should "Vote for Joe".

The local news ran an item in the style of the X-factor with carefully edited comments from local mayors and dignitaries commeting like they were the judges on x-factor. All praising Joe's performances and insisting we should vote for him.

My answer is NO. We should not vote for him. Yes he sings well. But when it comes out that he likes cock, he has not been true to himself and others have made up stories he will become a nobody.

He will go back to all the fag hags he has hanging around him who will give him that pathetic, watered down encouragement that he was a true talent and everyone loves him.

Apart from those who see the truth.

As you probably gathered from my previous post things have been getting to me lately. I just want to share with you a few things that have been getting on my nerves. Some of them might seem trivial if you put them on there own but I can tell you when you have them all together like I have over the past few weeks things really irritate.

Buses

I know we should be encouraged more to use public transport but do bus drivers have to be so bad. Even if you are getting a return to Newcastle from Chester-le-Street it costs nearly four pound. You give the driver a ten pound note and he makes out its the most inconvenientthing in the world. He signs and makes the laboured effort to drag out change from his pocket a five pound notes and then other coins from the machine. And does he really have to keep pressing his foot on the brake about fifty times when in a queue of traffic?

Shops closing

I have noticed some of the nicer more "quaint" shops closing on the high street. Some might call specialist shops. I have also noticed the appearance of the "cheap" discount shops. It is oviously the result of the "recession" and people turning to cheaper places. Its sad that the quality of shops have declined.

Rudeness

I was in conversation with a friend yesterday (I won't name names) And they said that they cannot stand people. One of the reasons we agreed was utter rudeness. There is no reason why anyone should talk to you like a fool or an idiot. I certainly didn't put up with it from immature children and I won't take it from adults.

Not at school

I have noticed numerous parents who take their kids out of school during the week days. I remember when I was in my third year of teaching and I received a note from a parent telling that their child had been absent from school for two days"as they had to buy him some shoes..." Seriously.

Victims

Visiting the doctor over the past year I have come to realise that there is breed of people who are "victims." People who act like the world owes them everything because they are ill. Huffing and puffing if they don't get the answer they like from the receptionist. Then preceed to tell you about their illnesses and how long they have had it.

Something for nothing

Compensation grabbers. Some who think that they have been inconvienced that they should get compensation. They might have had to get something repaired or had to wait for delivery. Too much of thing in our "blame and compensation" culture.

No reply

One thing that really has pissed me off and made me quite ill over the past few days is people who don't reply to texts, emails or letters. I seriously hate being ignored. It had made me paranoid, angry and upset over the past few weeks. Its something I am not happy about as it making me into something I don't like.

Taken for granted

"Oh Phil will help..." I am thinking back to time when I was a church-goer and this used to happen to a lot of my friends and not just to me. Taken for granted my good nature and knowing that I won't say "no" to people. Unfortunately that has changed and certain people are in for a shock.

Respect (find out what it means to me!)

There is little respect for your fellow human being at the moment. Lets tread on someone else or backstab to get what I want out of life. Fuck anyone else who gets in the way as its all about me. Common courtesy like thanking people who have opened a door or let you out at a junction when driving.

Socially inept

I had the mispleasure of being in a situation not so long ago with people who had no social skills and no ability to communicate with people who were in a close social setting. These people were not eight years old they are in the mid-twenties.

Queues

I hate waiting in queues. The post office and banks seem to be the main offenders. Luckily I don't frequent either of them that often. But when I do I hate it. Thank goodness places like Tesco have cottoned on on this are brilliant for making sure you get served.

Paying to get in

I will not and refused to pay to get into a pub, then be charged ridiculous amounts for drinks. Its not going to happen.

Petrol Price

In CLS where I live the petrol prices are at least 5p a litre more than anywhere else in the North East. Hence I buy petrol from somewhere else. Total rip off.

Voting

People who thought it was funny and "ironic" to vote for Jeward. They didn't really like them but thought it would be a laugh. Nobheads.

Football

What a mess this game is in? Handball this, corruption that. Then you criticise it and people get on their highhorse. Then they take the piss out of you for like something other than the "glorious game..." What cock.

Hate groups on Facebook

"Lets kick the fuck out of this person cause he or she did that?" What are we animals? It makes the people who join these groups just as bad as the rest. AND DON'T think I am not aware of the terrible things that people do in the world. I am not that niave and stupid.

Disabled / parents and child spaces

I am not against them. I hate people who park in them who are not disabled or have a child in there car.

Parking on double yellow lines

My mother has a parking badge and you are entitled to park on double yellow lines "within reason" I have noticed some people parking on these lines and block roads and junctions.

Signalling

People who signal at the last minute on mini-roundabouts so you have to slam on the brakes to give way to them.

Magazines

Those who stand in newsagents reading magazines without buying them. Then stand it the way of the magazine you are looking for.

Hating Christmas

People who had Christmas but have no reason apart from the fact they are miserable bastards. AGAIN don't have a go at me and say "well people have had relatives who have died and its a sad time for them..." I am aware.

Young people

Young people who talk really loud on buses or play music on their mobiles so everyone can hear.

Smoking in doorways.

I used to smoke and I enjoy it. But now we have the smoking ban its worse when people smoke in doorways. Particularly when you are trying to get past and have to have a lung full of smoke.


Well. Thats the list so far. Its not finished yet. I am sure that I will have more to add. I think you might be able to tell that I am pretty pissed off at the moment.

I am feeling low. I don't know. I just feel like life is passing me by. I am not worth anything to anyone.

I have felt rejected and hatred before. But this is worse. People really don't want to talk to me, do they? I think I am some sort of a monster. Something to be loathed.

I think it would be best if I climbed into a hole.

I was in a bad mood on Tuesday. I think it all started when I had to "fast" for a number of hours before I had some blood taken for my sugar level. I didn't get myself out of that bad mood all day.

I thought it would be a good I idea to go to the cinema. I have a real phobia of the cinema as I think I will be trapped in their and not be able to get out. Anyway! I went and saw a film called "2012" not the best I should add put it was "half price" day so I didn't mind.

As I was travelling back home from Newcastle on the bus my mood turned very dark. I really wanted to harm myself. Whether it was taking a knife to my wrists and arms I didn't know. But what ever it was I wanted to do I was frustrated with me.

We were travelling across the Tyne and I noticed a similar scenerio years ago and thought to myself that everything would be okay. I didn't need to do anything stupid. Just then "Don't give up" by Peter Gabriel started to place on my iphone. It was at that point I thought to myself "What would people think and how would they react if I did anything like this?" I scrolled down the contacts list and couldn't get past A in the list before the tears started to roll down my face. They would be devisated if anything happened to me.

At this point I knew I had a to carry on. Keep going and get through these thoughts and terrible feelings.

I knew people cared.

Well, what an interesting weekend it has been.

I was doing some photos for a wedding over the weekend. Lets just say. I will update you in a few weeks time about it.

I was getting the bus to Newcastle on Saturday and I happen to venture into my home town. As I was walking to the bus stop I noticed some people giving out some "candles" on the street. These people I quickly realised where some of the people I knew from the church I attended a few years ago.

There sentiment was to give a candle to the people in the town and attached a small quotation and perhaps a Bible verse. The feeling that you were "actually sharing the light of Christ". In itself a little tacky but a generous way of spreading the message of Jesus.

But to my surprise one of the congregation recognised me. Instead of approaching me and engaging me in converstation (obviously too much effort) they turned their head away and proceeded to carry on to look for someone else.

I know they recognised me, without going into too much detail and revealing their identity to some people reading this, they decided that the "light of Christ" wasn't needed in me.

I am foaming. There is an issue at work. I am not going to openly discuss it as I am not going to get myself into trouble for making my mouth go. Lets just say I am mad as hell.

Last night I challenged someone who supports the BNP. Holidaying in Jamaica and having three non-indigenous whites as their friends on facebook doesn’t look like someone who actually knows what the BNP stand for.

When challenging him on this he told me to go and “piss someone else off” when I asked him to look at the BNP policies he told me that I should go back to the Labour Party that I obviously supported. I gently informed him that in the twenty one years that I have been eligible to vote not once have I have voted for the Labour or Conservation party.

Just show the scale of ignorance and stupidity that these people have. Prejudice. Pre-judgement, Judgement without knowledge. Why don’t these people get themselves educated?

Last nights programme was a total disgrace. It has upset a lot of people who think the show has lost is credibility. I think the decision given to let the public decide on who should stay in is a total cop out. I had a lot of respect for Simon Cowell. I am probably only one of a few. But last night showed me he does not always make the right decisions and the correct choices.

I really didn't want to blog about this but as viewers of the programme we are entitled to our opinions. There is no point in emailing the newspapers, as some idiots with too much time on their hands, have decided to do.

Lets rejoice in the fact that there will be a day when Grime Bros leave the show and they will be in floods of tears. I will be crying with laughter. Maybe then the show can go back to what it was originally intended to be. A singing competition.

I decided that I would do something constructive with my day off. I went to York for the day. I looked up the costs of a train ticket. Surprisingly it was only just over twenty quid for a day return. I was really apprehensive as I have managed to get myself around Newcastle for an hour or so but then the back pain becomes unbearable. I have been trying to walk more to build up some strength in the back muscles. It seems to be working.

I did have a few stops around York but I was most impressed when I went to York Dungeons and walked around for an hour with relatively little pain. I did take some tablets before I set off but they don't usually do that much for me. I went to the Yorvik Viking Centre, which by the way if you ever consider visiting. Don't. It was dull as shit.

I went there in 1986 and thought it was quite good. Now I found it extremely dull. The commentary that was accompanying the small ride around the exhibits was completely out of time. We were being told about things that we about three or four minutes a head of us. The centre is undergoing a refurbishment due to opened in Feb 2010. I have been given a pass for the next twelve months free of charge. I will visit again next year to see if there has been any improvement.

The York Dungeons was really good. At twice the price of the Yorvik Centre it had to be good. We were taken through a succession of rooms where people dressed up would tell and explain of the hideous punishments given to those who dared to break the law a few hundred years ago. What made me laugh was some of the women were genuinely frightened at one point.

York Minster was its usually delightful self. I prefer the fact that you pay a charge for entering the cathedral and you are allowed to take pictures. This is where Durham Cathedral is lacking and could earn a lot of money.

In the afternoon I had a few glasses of wine and felt quite tiddly but not drunk. My back held out and is a bit sore but by the time I got home I was ready for a hot bath and rest.

It was a great day. Things are getting better.

Mum went for a tests today. We had spoken to the doctor who sent her to see a consultant. The outcome is that she has to go for an MRI on her brain. Consultant thinks its the start of Alzheimer's disease.

Will keep you updated.